when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
