having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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