meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
