My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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