I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
