True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
