and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
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