I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I don't deserve a penis
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
