I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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