The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
