note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
