happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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