Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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