sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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