drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
