im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Sorry about my life...
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
