I feel great
I just peed on a car
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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