Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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