loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
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