I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
