I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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