i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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