dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
well you can't waste a boner
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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