Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
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you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
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Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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