Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
