11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
