my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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