I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize