Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
