Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Let's paint friendship bongs
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
