lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
