I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You can't just leave with hair like that
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
