Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
