so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
