Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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