The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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