I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
