While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
