Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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