just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
