I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Randomize