I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
