i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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