My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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