Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
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There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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