And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
