Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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