I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
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