I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
