i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
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I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
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What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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