Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
