About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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