I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
