I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
