I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
