sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
