It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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