Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
