It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
