ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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