he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
