I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
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I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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