Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
